Taylor D Mills

Fri, 14 Feb 2020 11:05:05 -0800

Are we there yet?

As a full-time traveler, this is a question I ask myself almost every day. Last year, I probably spent more time in transit than I did in any particular place. I moved to a new city around the world every 2-5 weeks for the ENTIRE year. (Sidenote: I don’t recommend this—but more on that later...)

But then it dawned on me that this something I ask myself constantly in general, too. In this age of influencers, it’s easy for me to constantly feel like I'm not yet where I need to be.

Every other second, I get an ad from someone to teach me how to make $100K in 30/60/90 days. And I think to myself: How come I am still not at 6 figures in my business? All these people online seem to have been able to do it so easily and quickly. And so I decided that even though I’ve helped many people monetize their own online platforms and have reached a few of my own financial goals so far, I don’t want to post/tweet/blog about my business because it’s not there yet.

I used to really enjoy writing. Not because I had a huge following on my blog or because I wanted to make money with it, but simply because I like reflecting out loud. I still do like it, actually. But I barely do it anymore. Somewhere over the last couple of years, I’ve become extremely reluctant to post or share anything online. I’m constantly worried that I’ll make my life seem better than it really is.

Every other second, I see someone posting cool beach photos of them on their laptops with the hashtag #workfromanywhere, and I think to myself How come I’m not as happy as them when I’m working from anywhere? And then I realize that I could post those same things too but it wouldn’t be fully accurate. It would only be telling part of the story. I get in my head and I decide that I don’t want to...Read More

Moving. Forward.

Mon, 08 Jan 2018 05:02:07 -0800

Moving. Forward.

I moved to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia in November. (No, it's not in China.)

My second night in KL, I got locked out of my friend’s apartment with no cell service until 1am. Around 10pm, while I was waiting outside of the apartment, a woman who I’d met briefly at church earlier that day came up to me. She just so happened to live in the same building and invited me crash on her couch until my friend eventually got in a few hours later.

I was shocked that someone would make room for a total stranger (I’d seen her at church earlier but we hadn’t even had a full convo up to this point) to stay with her family in the middle of the night, especially for an unknown amount of time. She could have easily gone inside without checking on me. I knew then that God has a plan for me out here and He will not leave me stranded, no matter how “alone” I feel in the moment.

The next weekend, I went to a latin dance festival that I had been looking forward to since I first decided to move. I quickly learned that the dance scene in Malaysia is vastly different from what I’m used to in LA. The entire night, not a single person asked me to dance. Not one. I left the festival that night feeling discouraged and I told myself that I would give up dancing while I’m in Asia. Maybe I should find a new hobby because anything would be better than this.

Nevertheless, I decided to come back the next day and I ended up joining a bachata performance team. It was my first time ever performing in front of anyone. The team was made up of 9 girls from all across Asia/Australia and we had only a couple of hours to learn the routine before performing at the festival that evening. Though I had not planned to perform that weekend, this dance performance turned out to be one of my favorite experiences so far in Asia — not because I did a great job (I wish!), but because it was a living testament...Read More

New Normal

Tue, 10 Oct 2017 11:36:11 -0700

New Normal

Even as I wrote this question, I’m thinking to myself: what person could be so culturally unaware s/he doesn’t know that "Chinese" is not a language? Oh yeah, that person was me.

When I was 15, I spent a week in Hong Kong representing my rugby team from LA. I had no idea what to expect. I quickly learned that 1) Hong Kong is different from "mainland China" and 2) "Chinese” isn’t a language. During my trip, I mainly heard Mandarin and Cantonese, which represent only 2 out of 200+ dialects of the Chinese language.

Throughout the week, I went to school, church, and rugby practice with my host sister. She's standing to my right in the photo above during one of our practices. She was my age and was from Mauritius--a place I’d never heard of. It turns out that it’s an island off the coast of Madagascar where the main language is Creole. In Hong Kong, she and her brother went to a French international school and all of their classes were in French. They were also fluent in English.

That's 3 languages already--but who's counting? Nearly everyone I met was fluent in multiple languages. And had lived in multiple countries. And was in 9th grade, just like me. In LA, I was being praised for spending a week in a foreign country where, as it turns out, you don’t even need to learn a new language to get by. Yet most of the high schoolers I met in Hong Kong had already lived around the world. No one treated me differently as a foreigner and/or a person of color, like I thought they would. That's probably because nearly everyone I met was also a foreigner and being immersed in new languages + cultures was part of their normal, everyday lives.

My time in Hong Kong showed me that there is so much to learn and to experience and I decided to make that my new normal. To get out of my LA bubble and to expand my perspective. I began making friends with people who weren't from the same neighborhood as me. For the rest of my high school...Read More

Me too.

Tue, 19 Sep 2017 15:38:16 -0700

Me too.

You know that moment you wake up in the middle of the night and you feel like there’s something you’re supposed to do but you can’t remember what it is? For me, “it” was jury duty.

Fast forward four criminal counts, three weeks, two sides of the story, and one trial later, I got my inside look into the court system. I was curious about how (read: if) our justice system really works. Time to put my years of binging Law and Order to the test. Here are 4 things I learned as a member of the jury:

ONE

It is very possible for a diverse group of people to get along. While we waited to be invited into the courtroom each day, our group of 12 random strangers sat in the hallway laughing, joking, and mostly complaining about how much no one wanted to be there.

Some were from LA.
Some could barely speak English.
Some were cops.
Some had been arrested before.
Some were grandparents.
Some were just out of high school.
Some had Jesus tattoos.
Some wore turbans.

Maybe it’s because I live in such a diverse city or maybe it’s because I happened to be in a good mood those days, but seeing a bunch of strangers sit and smile with each other, even for a moment, completely contrasts the doom and gloom I feel watching the news. The news today is convincing us that our differences mean we’ll never get along. We’re being taught that our citizenship, religion, skin color, uniforms, etc. automatically pit us against each other. But I learned that a common enemy or goal can bring people together. In this case, JURY DUTY is the enemy that allows people to put aside all differences and come together to complain. I mean, what’s more beautiful than this?

TWO

Proving your case in trial is not about proving what actually happened. There’s no way of knowing EXACTLY what happened without having been there. The...Read More

Planted. Continued.

Fri, 01 Sep 2017 02:44:41 -0700

Planted. Continued.

I flew to back to California on the 4th of July of last year for the final round of interviews for a company and position I was very excited about. I’d applied for a different position months earlier and they ended up calling me back to interview for a new, seemingly tailor-made-for-me position. Pun intended. Each person I interviewed with told me how well I did and how much s/he looked forward to working with me. One gave me a hand-written note.

When I didn’t get the job, I felt like a failure.

I came home emotionally exhausted. It was halfway through the year and I’d already gone from working in Brazil to pitching my startup in Philly to traveling back to Cali for this interview. I beat myself up for being back at home with my parents. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do next. I didn’t believe that I could grow if I lived at home because I’ve always heard that nothing good ever comes from comfort zones. As it turns out, staying in one place was the exact opposite of my comfort zone.

For the first time in years, I decided to remain planted in one city, my hometown of LA. Throughout the year, I joined my church’s internship program, studied digital marketing + web design, enrolled in an online entrepreneurship boot camp, went on a retreat for professional creatives, and took a few dance classes. I challenged myself to focus on being present instead of being controlled by constantly seeking the next...Read More

Sprained Ankle

Thu, 27 Jul 2017 15:22:57 -0700

Sprained Ankle

OMG Taylor. WHO gets injured at the club?!

While everyone else is at BBQs and pool parties celebrating the 4th of July, I’m sitting on my couch with an ice pack and compression bandage on my ankle, telling myself that I should go back to admiring dance from afar so that I won’t risk getting hurt--or worse: embarrassed--again.

The day before, I sprained my ankle at a salsa club. It actually wasn’t from a dramatic fall. It was a minor misstep that caused a sharp pain that I exacerbated by trying to make sure no one noticed. I could feel huge pain coming my way immediately, but I didn’t want anyone to know I’d messed up. So I ignored the pain and kept dancing for a couple more hours as if nothing happened... The next day I could barely walk.

Note to self: pretending like I’m not in pain today will make me have even more pain tomorrow. And the new self-inflicted pain is even more embarrassing than the embarrassing thing I was trying to avoid in the first place.

As I sit on the couch rearranging the ice on my ankle, it hits me that it wasn’t until I started worrying about what people thought of me on the dance floor that I ended up here. Up until that point in the night, I was having so much fun dancing and not caring about anything else.

It turns out that facing fears/insecurities is not a one-time thing. I have to constantly put myself out there--even if I mess up and/or don’t feel good enough--in order to keep improving. Confronting my perfectionism on the dance floor is helping me become a better dancer, even though it involves plenty of missteps along the way. I’m learning that if I embrace them instead of hide from them, I can save myself a lot of pain and embarrassment.

So I end my personal pity party and decide to celebrate my own form of independence. Independence that comes from embracing the journey, despite how silly I may look. A journey that involves mistakes because...Read More

Gifted. Or nah?

Fri, 24 Mar 2017 00:32:02 -0700

Gifted. Or nah?

I’m a foreigner--new to salsa, new to Cuba, and completely unfamiliar with Salsa Cubana. I haven’t even been dancing that long! What if I can’t keep up and I get rejected internationally?!

There was a lot of doubt going through my mind. Nevertheless, I was beyond excited to practice salsa in the place where salsa originated. As soon as I arrived to Cuba, I asked around until I found a few local salsa studios and clubs. Five minutes into my first dance session and I was hooked. I ended up spending the majority of my trip in these same couple of studios.

After 12+ hours of 1-on-1 dancing with Cuban pros, one of them complimented me on picking up new "figuras" or combinations so quickly. His exact words--as translated by me--were, “Taylor, you definitely have a gift in dancing."

Me? Gifted?! I certainly don’t feel like I have a gift. Yet somehow here I was in the heart of the salsa capital of the world with a *very attractive* pro Cuban salsa dancer telling me that he thinks I have a gift in dancing. Is this real life? Ecstatic is an understatement.

One week later, at my usual salsa club in LA, some guy starts dancing with me and halfway through the song he asks if I went to the free class earlier.

- "Yes, I took the class earlier today."

- "Oh...So then is today your first time ever dancing?"

- "No."

- "Wow, really?...."

*awkward silence*

If his words weren’t condescending enough, his body language expressed his disappointment in dancing with me--clearly I couldn’t keep up. When I tried to stop dancing with him, he refused to leave me “stranded” on the dance floor--his words, not mine. So we reluctantly finished the song and I immediately headed for the door. I no longer wanted to dance at all anymore. Any confidence I’d gained the week before in Cuba instantly became overshadowed by a renewed feeling of inadequacy.

Dancing Salsa Cubana with a foreign...Read More

Accidentally Inspiring.

Fri, 10 Feb 2017 12:28:39 -0800

Accidentally Inspiring.

I just got off of the phone with a friend who was telling me about her first day at work. Last week she moved to Asia for a really cool job at an international startup. She’d been looking for a job for a while and though there were inevitable moments of discouragement, she used her periods of funemployment to teach herself a ton about online marketing. When I say “a ton,” I mean that by the time she found this job opportunity, she had published an ebook with insider tips for freelance web designers, had her own digital marketing clients, and literally had created a full marketing campaign from scratch as extra incentive for the hiring managers. It turns out that without her even realizing it, the years--yes, years--she spent learning and growing on her own prepared her for her current position. Talk about taking responsibility for your own destiny.

Her story has been inspiring me for years--since wayyyy before she got this new position--because she never stopped growing and learning throughout her journey, even when there was no clear path in sight. I’m at a place in my own journey where there is a lot of uncertainty and it’s scary. It can be discouraging to keep going when I don’t necessarily know where this path will lead.

Coincidentally--if you believe in coincidences--as I was writing this post, I was reminded of something I wrote on Facebook 4 years ago as I was deciding whether to take on an internship in Spain. That post from 4 years ago is as relevant today as it was then:

Job searching. Solo traveling. Building a business. While rewarding, each can be very lonely. I’m eternally grateful to the people encouraging me when I feel like I’m not good enough, giving me tough love when I don’t want to hear it, and slowing me down when I’m doing too much. Some of you have no idea how much you're accidentally inspiring me.

It’s easy to internalize rejection and believe I’m not good enough....Read More

Planted.

Tue, 03 Jan 2017 11:38:57 -0800

Planted.

On this day last year, I was with some of my favorite people. On the beach. In Miami. Getting ready for my next adventure. Starting in Brazil. The next day. Not a care in the world, aside from where to purchase my next mimosa.

A year later I am sitting on my parents’ couch. Eating cereal. Writing this post. On a computer I can’t really afford.

A common theme in my life is my inability to stay in one place. I quite literally can’t stay put. I haven’t lived in one city consecutively for more than 6 months in the last 7 years. Whether I’m studying, working, or exploring just for the sake of exploring, I always feel a sense of accomplishment the more I move around. A sense of pride of being able to say that I am new to city. Creating a name for myself. By myself. And once I start getting comfortable, I’m onto the next adventure.

Last year I was visiting home from the east coast when the lease for my expected return to Philly fell through. That same day--a Sunday--I went to church for the first time in a while. The pastor gave a message called “Planted” where he challenged us to stay committed to one place for a year. To experience both ups and downs, to grow individually and as part of a community, and to give back to that community. (I think by “place” he was referring to a church home, but I really felt convicted to extend that to mean a city, given the state of affairs in my life at the time.)

Many people take a year off to travel the world and “discover themselves.” I’m deciding to do the opposite. To take this year to do something I haven’t done in years--stay and grow in one place: Los Angeles. It’s really hard. When I moved out at 17, I never planned on moving back in at home. Some days living at home makes me feel like a failure. I have unintentionally come to associate moving around with...Read More

And never dance again.

Mon, 12 Dec 2016 10:29:48 -0800

And never dance again.

Anyone who knows me knows how infatuated I am with (read: intimidated by) latin dance. One night I arrived to bachata class and the host told me that class was postponed an hour, but I was welcomed to go straight to the dance floor til then. I looked around for an empty seat to pass time. None.

As I looked at people on the dance floor, self-doubt crashed over me. I don't know anyone. I don’t have a partner. I didn’t get to practice beforehand. I’m just a beginner. Everyone here is so advanced. No one will wanna dance with me. What if I literally fall on my face?.. This was my worst nightmare.

I finally convinced myself to get out of my comfort zone and onto the dance floor. Then my biggest fear came true: I couldn’t always keep up with my dance partners. Many times I had no idea how to follow. I was embarrassed. I wanted to leave the club and go home. And never dance again.

But I noticed something. No one seemed to care whenever I messed up. They either taught me the move or just moved on to the next move. It turns out misstepping on the dance floor is normal for everyone. Even for professional dancers--they just keep moving anyway. In fact, I learned that people actually enjoy being able to teach a newcomer.

To my surprise, various people danced with me and helped teach me all night. It was the first time ever that I was comfortable enough to stay out all night dancing. I still have to continuously remind myself that only way to reach my goals is to not quit when I mess up.

For years my own perfectionism prevented me from improving as a dancer. I got so wrapped up in the goal--being a flawless dancer--that I completely undermined the process--learning to follow. Once I changed my mindset to appreciating the journey instead of the destination, dancing became more fun and less pressure-filled. I’m more patient when my partners are less experienced and more confident...Read More